April 1, 2015 – Stealth Electric Bikes has today announced the completion of a landmark deal with extravagant Russian billionaire Vladmir Cherkoff, founder of Первоапрельской. Widely regarded as the Dan Bilzerian of Russia, Cherkoff has now successfully lobbied the Stealth team for support in making his prodigal space tourism plans a reality.
As an amateur motocross rider himself, Cherkoff has taken much interest in Stealth Electric Bikes, and approached the team in 2013 with an outlandish vision of creating a lunar motocross track for space tourists.
In a recent interview, Cherkoff offered his eye-opening vision to the public for the first time: “Imagine the possibilities… we have an environment where gravity is 1/6th of that on planet earth, so our customers can pull off the biggest jumps, whips, drifts and tail grabs in the galaxy, and if they don’t land properly, an 80kg rider will hit the surface weighing only 13kg.
“The fact that Stealth bikes are already virtually silent means that it would feel very similar to riding on earth, but with a view and airtime that only our customers will ever experience.”
Unlike conventional internal combustion engines, Cherkoff asserted, Stealth bikes don’t require the presence of liquid fuel and oxygen to generate power, so they have the ability to operate in adverse atmospheric conditions – particularly those found on the moon. With an abundance of sunlight, the absence of clouds, and a recharge time of two hours, the intense solar energy found on the moon can be harnessed to keep the fleet charged and ready to ride.
Stealth CEO John Karambalis had the following to say: “The entire Stealth team is very pleased that Vlad and I have managed to come up with the formula for this wildly exclusive program. The concept aligns itself perfectly with the fun factor that you get when riding our bikes on Earth.
“I know I’ve certainly got my hand up to be on the first mission alongside Jarryd McNeil and Jack Field, where we will be constructing what I can only describe as a Mega-Lunar-Cross track, designed by well-known trail designer, Simon French from fellow Australian-based company Dirt Art. We’re now hard at it working through the modifications that we need to make to the bikes.
“The guys at Mountain Racing Products are helping to get our Groove 200 forks dialled-in, and we’re speaking to some earth-bound helmet manufacturers to supply the lightweight riding gear capable of protecting our riders against the intensities of space, whilst also supplying them with the oxygen they require.
“On the moon, our 10 inches of suspension travel will translate to 60 inches of suspension travel, and the agility of the bikes will mean that once we get our FMX boys into orbit, the sky will literally no longer be the limit.”
When pressed about how and when the crew and equipment will reach the moon, Karambalis simply said, “I guess you’ll need to ask Vlad those questions, but you might be surprised to learn that he won’t be the first privateer to land on the moon – he’ll actually be the third, but only the first to leak any details to the public.”
Calls to Cherkoff’s office reportedly resulted in a busy dial tone all day today as media outlets worldwide scrambled for information on what can only be described as one of the most outlandish lunar undertakings ever.
And finally, in a shock comment about her boss’s ongoing playboy rivalry with American Bilzerian, Cherkoff’s personal assistant Veri Loos went on the record today, stating that “The Bilzerian fellow is just a spit in the ocean, a mere millionaire who spends too much time in the gym – Vlad will clearly show him who’s in charge this time.”
Stay tuned for more updates and the very exciting release of the first round of tickets to what will quite literally be a world-beating event.